LiLaZnBuNNy7 on Xanga

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

mmm...

reading my last post.... 1 year ago, I was flying high. Now I feel like I am at sinking bottom. . . why.

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

It's been a YEAR?!!?

Moly moly moly! It's been a freakin year since I've updated this blog. Who uses Xanga still??? We will see!! Ha! So I am going to summarize my umm...whole year in pictures.

Was on the Price is Right! I won a little over $600 cause they gave me cash instead of the item I won.

Went to Singapore, Indonesia, Thailand, and Japan with my best best best friend jojophine!

Started my job working at the Blind Center at the Palo Alto VA Medical Center and had the chance to go to
conferences all around the states! Chicago, Maryland, San Antonio, Phoenix, and Palm Springs! (of course all expense paid by my work!!!)

Got into Grad School to get not 1 but 2 masters degrees in Blindness and Low Vision studies!

Joined a band! and learned to play the drums!
Check out me playing drums here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ8w3e7pfn4 and other videos from my band



Had a boyfriend for a couple months...and.....that didn't work out. got MY heart broken!

Moving on with my life---I decided to volunteer at a camp for blind elementary children for a week...

Got a Cat! Her name is Choko P! Well, just Choko...but I add the P.


Did some random stuff...I was a nurse for Halloween, went to random places...met with old high school friends, fishing, disney land, house boat partying etc...

And of course I always have time for partying and having a good time!

Wednesday, 03 October 2007

It's been awhile...

It has been quite awhile...and I apologize in advance because this post is going to be depressing.

Not to say that things haven't been good. Things have been great. Absolutely. September was my month! I was selected as a contestant on The Price is Right (which will air maybe late this month!) and won like nearly 700 bucks, I am beginning to manage promos, and the best thing that has happened to me and that will affect me for a REALLY REALLY long time is ...I got a new job. A full time, job at the VA Palo Alto Health Care System Blind Rehabilitation Clinic. It's a government job so it looks like I'm gonna be here for a long time. Not to mention the pay is wow... I can't believe it myself that I landed such a great job...and it's something I definitely enjoy too. All this WHILE getting my Masters...and my job is PAYING for that too... so...things are good to say the least.

So here comes the depressing part: Thoughts on death. Not mine of course...
        This morning I come into work and find out that someone has passed away. Not one of the students, but one of the staff. Of course everyone was shocked and in tears...it was a mess. It was worse because apparently she had committed suicide. sigh... I know who she is and I've seen her a few times, spoke a few words...but I don't directly know her... more so what got me thinking was the EFFECT that her suicide had on the staff. I am close with a few staff and seeing them so distraught and in tears really hurt me.
       Throughout the day it really made me think of how naive I used to be about suicide. I used to be suicidal in high school. I'm sure almost everyone goes through that stage at one point in their life. Mine was pretty serious though it wasn't just thoughts.... I had actually attempted more than a few times. I used to think (and I'm sure this lady thought) that no one would care if I died, and I truly honestly believed that. I really thought that I would be lifting a burden off my parents' back...and people would even be happy if I died. Heck, I would have been happy if I died. Probably no one would come to my funeral, no one would even care or notice that I was gone...I thought that the girls that bullied me in high school would be glad that I died, and I would be glad that I died because I would do it to get back to them. When you're in that mind-set you just don't think right...
        How naive. It's not till now that I experienced someone's suicide first-hand did I realize the EFFECTS that suicide has on everybody. It even affected me...who hardly knew her...It affected the whole staff, the whole blind center, the students...everyone... and it affects everyone differently. guilt, sadness...don't know how to feel...It's a ripple effect...
   Now I know. and I'm glad I know...and I can't believe it took me this long to realize it... and I'm glad I'm alive.

Tuesday, 29 May 2007

When you're scared...you do what you know best...run.
but you will never know the bigger and better things that are out there.
Sometimes you gotta let your heart do the thinking.
Sometimes it knows more than you think.
Your heart can be illogical...but...your heart can feel.
Your head can't.
Don't let your head and logical thoughts take that away.
Listen to your heart.
After all...aren't the best things in life...such as love...so illogical?

These last week or so... my heart has been aching...I always thought that was just a saying...but now I realize it's an actual real feeling: a physical and emotional ache in 1 . wow...that sucks... and it hurts. Not that I've broken up or lost anybody close to me lately--so thus it remains a mystery.

Lately, I've been finding myself in a strange place... After I've graduated in March, I've been working as a promo model/talent...getting paid damn well to say the least. but...I can't stop and think...this is not what I went to college for. I didn't graduate with a double major and double minor to do something completely unrelated....

Not to say that I haven't tried...Maybe not enough...but I've applied to a job that I really wanted...I applied to graduate school that I really wanted to go to... but I got rejected. now I don't even want to try anymore.. Then I can't help but think---is this what life is really about? Working a 9-5 job, occasional outings to bars and clubs with buddies, come home sleep and do the same thing the next day? and the next...and the next? Is this life after college? What a depressing thought...

No, more so...that makes me a depressing person to think that way---wonderful how even more depressing! I wonder what I'm looking for in life?

-fun-smiles-laughter-happiness---love? perhaps...

I think i'm still waiting for my knight in shining armor to come and rescue me riding a white stallion to sweep me off my feet! ---ah... what a fantasy... In reality he might just be a normal boy that's right in front of my face driving a white car---and I wouldn't even know it.

So....my question to you is...what keeps you going? What motivates you? What do you do when you don't wanna try anymore? What happens when you nothing to look foward to when you wake up every morning? Tell me. Cause I need to know.

Wednesday, 15 November 2006

YaY!! vacation TIME!

What have I been up to? Oh...like...fun stuff. =) you know clubbing...bars...the usual hyphy hyphy

And visiting Ben in So Cal...an being a Bunny for halloween with my bunny-dog.

Oh, did I mention I was a baller?

Haha, Jk. Only cuz Im on my way to Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, Hong Kong, & Malysia. See ya NEXT year SUCKAS! =)

ps: send me an e mail at Yurikavu@gmail.com